brought about by an ad for grad school scholarships for science and technology courses and my explicit plans to go to grad school (when is another question) - my dad suggested I consider agribusiness economics or energy management.
he’s been vocal about his plans for retirement and that he desires to manage our farms instead. i fear that part of the reason i am considering applying for this scholarship is precisely that - there is absolutely no pressure, but i do feel that he would very much prefer that i have a hand in this.
the problem is that my heart has been set on the social sciences for quite some time now. I’ve been planning for the longest time to study international relations and economics, preferably abroad. i want to experience a different world and see the rest of this world, but I cannot deny that i want to walk the earth that i might someday call my own.
i am grateful that i have many options; however, i am afraid that because there are so many, i cannot predict whether i made the right decision.
a significant amount of time is invested in this thought process. I’ve been running scenarios in my head over and over and over until I just fall asleep and arrive at no decision. wishing the universe could send me some kind of sign. til then, i shall think and think and think.